Monday, 23 April 2012

On Loneliness and the Ashram

White walls surround the campus of the Ashram, as you walk down the entrance path from the main road the sounds get progressively quieter, the main courtyard sports a garden with technicolour flowers – everything is quiet and peace, a world away from the rest of India.

For the last 3 weeks I have been staying at an Ashram, a temple of study, while attending a ‘yoga’ course. When I originally thought of yoga I had the image of many people doing complex posses that twisted the body in strange and interesting ways – probably in a large hall with a mirror on one side. But this course was a world away from that. These last few weeks have been spent with a group of 7 other people and only one teacher. To be honest when I signed up to this course I didn’t really have any idea what it would be like – the ashram was recommended to me (by my parents, I know sacrilege to do what they advise but they have been doing yoga since the 70s or something so I guessed that they knew a thing or two about it) and although I’ve been to a retreat at plum village I knew it would be very different. So I went into this a little blind and I was a little shocked to begin with, on our first night our teacher told us that he’d prefer if during our stay we had no contact with the outside world and that he’d prefer if we observed silence outside of class. You can image what that sounds like – don’t talk to anyone for the next 3 weeks please. GULP, ok, but more on this later. The first morning he interrogated us about our poo – yes poo is very important as an indication of how the body is doing, so every morning we had to describe it to our teacher. This shook up the system a little bit but perhaps that’s part of it, all of the magical places in time that I have experienced (shemesh, Israel tour, plum village, nowhere) break your normal routine, creating their own world, enabling them to affect you in a much deeper way because your usual barriers are disrupted. That’s why its always so hard to return to the default world afterwards; case in point being Rishikesh, before the Ashram I came to Rishikesh and thought ‘this is so calm for an Indian town’, yesterday I went and I was stunned by the chaos and noise.

This Ashram is an interesting place, the Guru who set it up (Swami Rama) was left this world and so there is no central teacher. His pictures are everywhere and he is very revered. He decided to build his ashram right on the edge of the Ganga, which is a beautiful spectacle to hold, you walk up a small flight of stairs to a bank that overlooks a wide stretch of water the flows so slowly that when there is no wind it doesn’t look like it moves at all. Across the river is a forest where wild elephants live and occasionally you see them come down to the river to drink or wash themselves. These are real elephants, not the dull eyed, broken spirited creatures you see at the temples or the elephant training camps. They have a mystical, playful, slow grace to their movements. Above the forst is a mountain range the hides the sun in the morning, making the twilight last for a good long time. People are always walking up and down the river, especially in the early morning and evening, you catch a glimpse of real Indian life, couples holding hands, family’s strolling, gangs of youths strutting about together and people going jogging.

Life here is at a difference pace slow but busy, my days where packed to the brim with things to do (for those interested I’ve put an overview of a basic day at the ashram at the end of this post). The course was very much learning through doing which consisted of preparing for meditation (What our teacher says is that you don’t DO meditation, meditation Occurs. If you are still doing something you aren’t meditating.), yoga and philosophy. It has been fascinating learning about a new tradition in such depth especially from our teacher who is a self proclaimed fanatic (meditation and the practice are his life). There were points that rang very true for me and others that I just could not swallow (Like when our teacher told us that with meditation one can levitate. Ok I can just about believe the stories of sages going into caves for weeks on end without food or water and coming out fine, meditation and yoga gives one mastery over the body and mind so much so that one could slow ones heart beat and breathing down to an almost comatose stat. But lifting yourself off the ground with your mind?!?! Manifesting mental energy on the material plan??? Sorry no, I’m not believing that till I see it.)but I believe that no one system is perfectly correct and I’ll be taking with me what I have found meaningful and useful from this tradition (Note that my teacher also kept on repeating that we shouldn’t believe any word he said until we experienced it ourselves.). Bellow are a few of these things.

·         I have learnt how to walk with my feet parallel. My legs are still adjusting; it’s a whole new world.
·         We make excuses and justifications about our own actions even to ourselves, covering up our reason for our actions.
·         After 24 years of life I finally know where my hips are. (Yoga should be taught at all schools because we do not get taught how to use our own bodies.)
·         The only time we have is Now.
·         A lot of the time we assume how the world is, what will happen, and then end up perceiving our own assumption.
·         Using the word ‘Tradition’ rather than ‘Religion’. I prefer it because: 1. ‘Religion’ creates much more division (Christianity, Islam, Hinduism) while tradition gives diversity, acknowledging the many different strand of different systems. 2. Many traditions, like Judaism and Buddhism, don’t really fit into the traditional view of what a religion is. Judaism isn’t just a religion and Buddhism doesn’t have a good. 3. It makes it sound like all these traditions are pointing towards, trying to get to, the same source – which I very much believe.
·         When we make a mistake we shouldn’t judge or condemn ourselves for it but rather just determine that you will not make that mistake again.
·         Nothing in this world is ‘yours’, you do not own anything, but everything in this world is for you to use and experience.
·         It’s ok to be Silent.
·         Greed and Fear are great motivators in our world but if we don’t have expectation or attachment then we can free ourselves from them.
·         Love is not attachment. Love is selfless. Attachment is about the self.
·         We can consciously change our thought patterns and habits.
·         I have learnt how to breathe diaphragmatically. That is without moving my chest or my stomach.
·         The process of Yoga Nidra ‘Yogic Sleep’. A form of conscious sleep that is deeply relaxing, restful and rejuvenating.
·         Several Yoga series that are helping me keep my back straight.
·         Nothing outside in the world will make us happy unless with are happy in ourselves, happiness comes from within.


That’s just a fraction of the stuff, not to mention all the practices that I can’t put to words. It’s enough to say that this course has affected me, taught me some new things and reminded me of some I already knew. Meditation and the practice around it are not only fascinating but also useful tools.

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Now for loneliness.

Before coming I was excited and slightly apprehensive about this experience. I’d been on a 2 week retreat before which had a deep impact on me and a was quite challenging at times. I knew that this would be a new experience and tried not to put too many expectations about what this would be and what I wanted to get out of it. I didn’t know what really to expect as I’ve never done anything from the yogic tradition before and I knew that if I tried too hard to focus on a specific outcome then it could elude me (its often only when you aren’t searching for something that it comes to you).

The first shock was the silence, silence at mealtimes I can understand, it lets you focus on your food and eat truly mindfully (something I find a challenge but when I do it, it transforms the experience of eating into something magical) but all the time, I was scared. As your may know I am an intensely social person, I love being with/talking to my friends and when I am going through a complex experience or problem I’m one of those people who finds it really useful to talk about it. Talking to people is how I process life. This coupled with the fact that ‘sharing’ was such a part of the tradition at plum village made me scared of not talking to those around me.

The second shock was contact to the outside world. No talking to my friend or family back home. No going on facebook or looking at my emails. No leaving the site of the Ashram. No speaking to or texting Sarah, the woman who I love.
On my first full day I told my teacher that I was worried about not talking to my girlfriend, that I thought it might upset her. He gave me a metaphorical slap around the back of the head, and told me that that was my ego talking, what did I think, that without me she would wither and die?
Lol, our teacher did not let us get away with any shit. He ‘broke up the frozen sea with us’ as Kafka puts it. The amount of times he’d point out to us that we were assuming or creating justifications in the first week was staggering until we started to become aware of it ourselves.

So here I was, an intensely social person that loves his friend and I couldn’t talk to anyone. Not in hear or out there. All I had for company was myself. All I had for self expression was my occasional question during class (questions in class were ok, and indeed were encouraged).
But I thought that since I was here I should do the thing how it is really done.

We are taught from a young age in the west that being alone is one of the world things that can happen.
‘You know the worst punishment for a prisoner is solitary confinement.’
‘You’ve been a bad boy Billy, go stand in the naughty corner BY YOUR SELF!’

In silence one is cannot distract oneself from what is happening inside. Usually we can drown out our mind by watching tv or going to the pub with your mates. You can share what’s happening inside with others and be comforted by the fact that they are going through or have gone through similar things. You can talk out solutions. You can have a pint.
But not in the Ashram, oh no. Hear you are confronted with the silence. You don’t know about the experience of others, you cannot voice your frustrations and wallow in the comfort of communal experience. After a while you are faced with the full brunt of your internal monologue. You stand bare in front of yourself.

For the first few days I was incredibly frustrated because my mind was so foggy during meditation (something which happens when one doesn’t practice). I kept wondering to myself what one earth I was doing here, especially considering that 3 out of the 8 people on the course were yoga teachers and I’d never done yoga before in my life. And I couldn’t let out this emotion, I couldn’t talk about it, couldn’t share it with anyone. After another couple of days I shared it at satsang and someone else in the circle shared that she felt frustration also. It was amazing to see how speaking it out loud helped me deal with the feeling, especially since my teacher talked me through it. Even more interesting was how relieved the other girl who was frustrated felt that someone else was feeling the same thing. We want to know that we are the same, that we aren’t alone.

After a time you learn to turn your gaze inwards. You get to know the inner workings of your mind, the thoughts and patterns of thoughts that keep on reoccurring. The way your mind tries to distract itself. The mind must always be doing something and it is interesting to see how it keeps itself busy. Especially since usually all this stuff goes on in the background and we are unaware of it.

Eventually through practice you become comfortable with the silence, comfortable just being by yourself, which is nice. The clamour of your mind calms down a little and you learn to direct it, getting rid of old unuseful or harmful grooves that your mind has gotten into and making new positive ones.

However it’s something that one can only do by oneself.

Once I got used to the silence, to the stillness, after about a week, then I had my first couple of interactions with the other people in my course. Suddenly my mind flared up a new, throwing out webs like spider man, or lassoes like a cowboy. These strands or assumption, meaning making and analysis wrapped themselves around what the other people said. Immediately my mind went to work, colouring them in with paint from its own pallet, trying to figure out what boxes they fit into – though truly no one ever fits into any of our boxes. I saw this happening, witnessed it and practiced letting go of those assumptions.

At the end of a week I came to the realisation that I could stay in silence the rest of the time but that I truly enjoyed interacting with people. Two weeks in I had not spoken that many more words to people but as a group we had our own jokes and occasional conversations, it was a quiet companionship. There was still a lot of silence, especially since much of our time was in practice and there is no chitchat in sessions. After those 2 weeks I broke my silence to the outside world – because I felt that the silence wasn’t adding to my experience any longer.

I was terrified of being by myself.
I learnt how to cope with my inner world.
I witnessed the difference between those experiences.

It’s good to know that I can be happy only by myself, but the technicolour and flavour of life are oh so much richer when they are shared with others.


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As mentioned above, to get a picture into your mind of what life here has been like bellow I’ve reproduce an example of my standard day.

4am – Alarm
4:15 - Wake up, brush teeth, do neti pot (in Indian practice where you irrigate your nose with luke warm salt water – I know it sounds strange but I am completely converted), drink 2.5 litres of water (that’s right, 2.5! after which I felt slightly nauseous [twice I threw up in the morning] but that’s what I needed to instigate my gastro-colic reflex, which is important before you do you morning practice) and do my Internal Dialogue (a practice where you very literally ask yourself questions).
4:45 – Breathing exercises
5:15 – Morning Systematic Relaxation
5:45 – Personal Meditation Practice (Though my teacher wouldn’t like me saying that, it should be Morning Preparation for Meditation)
6:15 – Hot Lemon Water
6:30 – Morning practice (Spent in the meditation hall doing YQ yoga series. These are series that our teacher has created based on Hatha yoga, but not hatha yoga as you know it. His focus is on real attention to detail. And I mean Crazy Detail. I learnt SO much about how my body moves.)
7:30 – Morning Meditation
8:15 – Breakfast
WALK
10:00 – Satsang (A sort of seminar/lecture split into two halves, one about the practical philosophy and the other about the theoretical philosophy. Though most of the time they are the same thing.)
1:00 – Lunch
4:00 – Chai (teas)
Walk
5:00 – Evening practice (again another yoga series)
6:00 – Evening Meditation
7:00 – Dinner
7:30 – Satsang
9:00 – Personal Practice
10:00\10:30 – Bed

A busy schedule to say the least. Only a max of 6 hours sleep, but you’d be surprised how rested I felt. But meditation, yoga and yoga nidra will do that to a man.

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